That's how I was introduced today to a grade 12 biology class. Yay. Rock on. \m/

I had such a blast this morning. I totally kicked ass. I was funny and clever but delivered all the important messages. I talked about dental dams and masturbation and 69s and hummers (more on that later).

Yes, so, I went in with the public health nurse today. The last time she was in the class, the class left a list of questions they wanted her to answer. Here's a sampling:

"Can you explain menopause?"
"Where are the most sensitive parts in a male?"
"What is the hormone that causes sex drive in women?"
"What are some good sex tips?"
"What's a hummer?"
"Can you put in a condom dispenser?"

So, as you can see, they were pretty decent questions. Robin (not her real name), the public health nurse, had me bring in all my birth control and condom displays in case anyone wanted to talk about them. Again, I have to talk again about Robin. She's been doing this for a loooong time. But I'm always kind of shocked about how she approaches some questions. When I sat in on an elementary presentation with her, someone asked what a dildo was, but she didn't answer the question, because she didn't want to "ruin their innocence" (her words). My thought is, if they're asking about dildos, any 'innocence' they had is long gone. Besides, I can't tell you how many times I was in elementary school where someone used a word I didn't know, only to go home and use it in casual conversation with say Mom/Dad/Our Priest and get in shit for it. For Chrissake, explain these words. It doesn't mean they'll be a mass exodus to the nearest sex shop.

But I digress. :)

So, anyway, good times. Robin would go through the questions, and if I wanted to jump in and explain something, I would. I think my best moment was either showing them how to make a homemade dental dam, or when I asked the question "what's the safest sex there is?". A lot of them answered oral sex or manual sex, which allowed me to scream out MASTURBATION! That was fun. Most of them turned 14 shades of red (including myself, probably), but I'm a big, big fan of masturbation, in case any of you weren't aware.

The worst moment, hands down, was when I handed out long-expired condoms. Yay, I'm an ass. I didn't bring any condoms with me (I have boxes of Lifestyles I carry around if I need them) because I wasn't sure on the school policy, and I knew for a fact that the principal was a huge hard-ass when it came to these things, and we'd already had a bit of a run-in. Anyway, I had some in one of my kits, and I had a few spare condoms in my other kit - enough to give one to each student, anyway. I looked at the top condom in my hand, and the expiry date was 2006, so I proceeded to hand them out, not really noticing that the other condoms in my hand were of a different brand, and were in the kit only for demonstration. So, halfway into handing them out, a student (my boss's daughter, actually) noticed they the expiration date was *1997*. I immediately picked them back up, and handed out some newer ones. Fewf. That would've been freakin' perfect, eh? A slew of teen pregnancies in the SH area all because of rotten condoms from PP. The media would have had a field day, I tells ya!

What else? Oh, right. The hummer issue. Well, Robin had no idea what a hummer was. I don't know, this isn't a new term, really. I would have thought this is something you'd run into, but maybe it's not a particularly popular term. Anyway, she got me to answer this question. I said it was oral sex performed on a man/penis. That's all. Then, Robin interjects with that it's when you actually hum during the act. What? Has anyone else heard of this? Now, I know humming during oral sex can provide interesting sensation, but I don't really think that's where the term 'hummer' stems from. So, once she said that, the whole class just sort of got confused. One guy asked that if it's still considered a hummer if the girl is the receiver, and she's humming during the act? What? Yeah, after that confusion, it was hard to sort everything out. Also, I didn't really want to step on Robin's toes, so I just sort of left it at that. Who knows? It may start a trend.

Another funny thing/learning experience; I was explaining 69's. I was using the board to explain it (heads go here, naughty bits go here). And no one was really getting the connection until I realized that it was 96 on the board, not 69. Ah well, live and learn.

So, I'm once again reassured that I am good at this job. I'm still not at all convinced that this is where I should be doing it. After today, I could see myself with a TV show. Y'know, I must say, and this is a little embarrassing (and entirely immodest), but I think it would be so cool to convince Rogers TV to give me a little cable access call-in show. With that said, I think I have a face "made for radio" (as Shelagh Rogers, my CBC goddess would say), so that may prohibit me from getting on TV, however, there is a fat ugly guy on there. If he could get a show, why couldn't I?

(ignore that part in his bio about '20 years experience'...)